Addiction.

Every year I take a break from coffee. 

I talk about and write about and generally express my love for coffee a lot, thus, people have often assumed I am addicted. After that word  kept coming up I became concerned that maybe I was and just didn’t realize it. In order to test this, I took a short break from coffee... to prove to the world and to myself that I do not NEED it.

It has become a tradition for me ever since then. A reminder that addiction is not an option. I do not want my mood and general well being to ride on coffee. Or anything, for that matter.
I won’t be able to enjoy coffee, or drawing, writing or the people I care about if I put my security and contentment in them. What will I do when they let me down? 
As good as coffee is, not even it can make me perpetually happy. I'm afraid I'm much too needy. And I've learned that if I expect people to always be there for me and react the way I want and do what I think is best... Well, that's just unrealistic. 
It is frustrating though because it's so easy to expect certain results from things and people. 
And it's even easier to be let down when they don't come through the way you planned or hoped. 
Furthermore, I enjoy my stuff, hobbies and loved ones much more when I just appreciate them for what they are, and don't tie my emotional well-being to their performance.

I stopped my break on Tuesday. The first coffee I had since the beginning of the month was a Starbucks Vanilla Coffee-and-milk bottled drink. The best part about going off coffee for a while is that when I get back on it all tastes clearer. I know it sounds weird but it's true. The flavors stick out a bit more. The warmth is a bit warmer. And the first couple cups of good coffee really make it all worth it. 
I don't ever want the word "addiction" do describe how I am towards anything in life. It makes me feel like I am trapped. Addiction makes a good thing your worst enemy.  That is why I do this every year. Coffee is much too cathartic and poetic for me to let it have that kind of power over me.
It wouldn't be fair to either of us.