Plans for Life and Pictures of Trees, Mostly

  I took a walk the other day, out into a field so I could take pictures. It's a place I grew up. I climbed the trees as a kid and made forts deep in the woods. I pretended to be an indian, a pirate, a princess, a superhero. It was my Neverland.  Long summer days were spent out there, playing until I had to come inside, only to convince my parents to give me twenty more minutes please. I was walking around snapping pictures in the evening light, remembering the tree that has long been cut down, the swing that was removed, the forest that holds no more mystery. When I was a kid I was determined to find another Narnia, I thought if I just went far enough into the woods I would come out in some magical land.
  The difference between my Neverland and Peter Pan's is that I grew up and things changed. It isn't the place I grew up anymore, it's not the same and I'm not the same. But I wanted some pictures before it changes anymore.
The only thing I have left from my Neverland is a few faded dreams and a lot of writing ideas. I've kept these for a while because they remind me what I used to see- mermaids in the water, giants in the hills, dryads in the forest. And even though I can't really see them anymore I still remember what they looked like.
  Maybe I've been so reminiscent lately because I've really been planning my almost eminent future. I get the most nostalgic when I'm making big changes in my life. Today I sent in a letter to a collage saying I was coming next fall. I've already taking two gap years and so I've decided that I think it's time for something new. I'll be traveling around for the next few months before I say for sure, but I'm starting to get excited. And today I found out some really good news- the college I am planning to go to allows you to have a coffee pot in your dorm. *lets out a sigh of relief*
I'm about to head back to my travels and I'm excited to see what places I find, what coffee I discover.
I got some pictures developed a few days ago that showed a coffee shop I have yet to talk about. It was called Common Grounds and it was found in a little town in North Caroline called Apex. The feel was comfy and they made great Cafè Au Laits. I loved it. You wouldn't think it from the pictures but it felt sort of dark and subtle. I hope to go back someday.

       So, too conclude this random post: Here is a collection of pictures from where I grew up. Even though it's not as mysterious as it used to be for me, it still holds some treasures, I think.

Childhood

For reasons unknown to me, my parents only brew pots of coffee everyday in the winter. During any other time of the year they use the Keurig. I obviously prefer a pot to a k-cup so when winter break rolls around it's a treat for me to come home to pot of Starbucks Christmas Blend. And if anyone says to me "K-cup is just a smaller brewed pot!" I will probably throw my foaming machine at their face. Coffee blasphemy is not permitted in my house... Unless it comes from one of parents... which it usually does.
Christmas time at my house feels like Santa's Workshop.  My mom is Santa, my dad is Rudolph and I'm the Elf that occasionally contributes to the festivities but mostly stays up 'til 2:00 a.m. catching up on Once Upon A Time. And between episodes I've noticed Christmas is pretty much the closest you get to being a kid again. (Christmas and Disney cartoons.)The closer it gets to the 25th the easier it is to reminisce on your childhood innocence. And sometimes you can almost grasp it again... But then a notification for your Instagram picture pops up and the moment is gone.
The other day I was thinking about when I would get scared at night and go sleep with my parents. As a child there were many occurrences of me sleepwalking, sleeping screaming, sleeping throwing stuffed animals and maybe sleep kung-fu. It's amazing that my parents let me sleep with them as long as they did, I would often whack, kick and almost push them off the bed in my sleep. Eventually they did put my on the floor when I had bad dreams. And then I got too old to be sleeping with my parents. I felt embarrassed waking them up to confession that I was afraid of my own room, afraid of the shadows and the noises and the dreams. I remember climbing out of bed as quiet as a thief... sneaking down the hall with my pillow and blanket in tow. I would curl up on the floor at the end of their bed and wake up when my mom would step on me on her way to the bathroom. Startled at the site of a small person on her floor, but understanding of my fears she would let me stay there.
You know, there are many ways to lose your innocence, physical, emotional, mental, and it's a sad thing. It is an inevitable tragedy.
But there are also victories we have as kids, and I don't think we should forget those.
When I was eight I watched a movie with my family that my parents knew would scare me. They were reluctant to let me watch it with them but I convinced them that I would be okay. That night images haunted me. I was scared. I wanted to go crawl to foot of their bed where it was safe. But something happened that night that I think changed me forever.
I stayed in my bed.
I stayed and eventually fell asleep.
For the first time, I chose to face my fear. And I found something out that night: I liked being brave. Growing up my small group of friends saw me as the brave one. I would go in the dark rooms first. I would investigate the ghostlike sounds during sleepovers. I would not go to my parents when I had a bad dream but rather comfort myself back to sleep. And it started that night.
It was an important time in my development.
We all have those. I think it's helpful to look back and figure what formed you in to who are. I learned what bravery was because I wanted to prove to my family that I wasn't a scared little kid. And the truth is, after that night I did sleep in my parents room when I watched Batman Begins for the first time because ten-year-old me could not handle the Scarecrow on my own. But the point wasn't that I was impossible to scare, the point was that somewhere in me I had the ability to brave.
So during this Christmas time as you remember being kid, think about the most prominent memories you have and see what they have to say about your character. When did you learn how to be brave or loyal or honest or kind?
I would say food for thought but we both know this is more of a coffee thing.
Coffee for thought.

Taking a step back

I don't have a lot of inspiration right now. Not just for the blog but also for writing and reading. I think it's the words. I've been having problems with words lately. It has come to my attention that I don't give people the words they need. And I don't give myself the words I need. I'm not soaking in enough helpful words, not brewing enough deep ones inside myself. I don't have writers' block, I just have writers' unmotivated laziness. During recent travels I came to the horrible realization that I was not inspiring people, especially the ones I love the most. How can I write beautiful stories when my own story is one about a girl who has turned so inward that she forgets to tell people that there existence means something to her? Where is the beauty in that? How dare I delve into the hearts and souls of my characters when I shrink back at any attempt to delve into my own thoughts and feelings? 

  I read in a book about writing that if you wait for inspiration before you write than you will spend a lot of time waiting. I've heard from many writers that writing is about writing so just sit your butt down and write. I agree with this to a degree. If a person wants to be a serious writer then they need to be disciplined, just like if you want to be a basketball player you have to work out and play when you are tired, if you want to be a writer you have to exercise your craft and work even when it's dragging. 

  But there's more to it than that. You have to deal with yourself first. Sometimes we have to fight our personal monsters before we can thrive at what we love. I don't know what you like to do or what you want to be or what is holding you back from being the best at it. But I know that I've been learning how to be a better friend and better daughter and a better person and through all that I think I am learning how to be a better writer. I've been taking a break because I haven't had inspirations for the particular stories I'm working on right now. But they need me. They need a chance to be finished and read and published. The boy needs to fight his demons and the girls need to have time to heal. 

  I need to take care of myself and take care of them and I need to write. Starting with this blog. 

  So if you made it through this rambling than     1) Thank you for bearing with me and 2) Maybe you need a break from what you love or what are good at and just ask yourself how you are doing, what you are doing good at in life and what you need to work on, go call someone you love and tell them how much they mean to you, get a cup of coffee and stare at it for a little while and maybe, just maybe, you'll learn something..

Facing Fears

 When I was a kid I was afraid of hights. Anytime I got above fifteen feet I felt paralyzed. It was a very annoying fear to have because I loved climbing and I loved adventure. And everyone knows you can't have an adventure with being high up at some point. I remember going to a  climbing wall, I got almost all the way up without complication. But when I reached the top I had to ring the bell. The bell was two feet above me at an angle. My knees started shaking uncontrollably. I was frozen with fear. Shaking and terrified.
  I don't remember when I decided that it was unexceptable, but at some point I had had enough. I started climbing high trees, going on roofs and riding tall roller coasters. Whenever I felt afraid of a height I would force myself up higher.
I'm not afraid if heights anymore. I don't know when it exactly happened but after facing the fear for years I no longer had it.
  Until about two years ago I had never ridden on an elevator by myself. I wasn't afraid of elevators when I was with people but the thought of doing by myself sent waves of claustrophobia through me. I felt insecure about this fear because a sixteen year old girl should be able to get on an elevator alone. Especially one who doesn't freak out about things very often. So I finally did it. I just got on and went down a floor.
  It's all about mentally, I think. I can ride elevators  by myself now and climb things and get on roller coasters and it's not scary anymore. And my thought now is that if I'm so afraid to share things I have written with people then that is just another irrational fear that is holding me back. It's really nice not to have to wait for someone to go on an elevator with me. Maybe it will be nice to put some of my words out there. Maybe after a while it will even be fun.
 So this is an exert from the second chapter of something I've been working on since Febuaryish. It's not much, but it's a start. And if it sucks at least I can say that I conquered a fear. I'd rather be a brave fool than a cowardly one, I suppose.

Chapter 2: Leah

       It's pitch black and silent. 

I creep through the woods, careful not to make a sound. In the distance I see a light. A lantern. I'm almost to the edge of the woods. It's lighter out here where the trees don't block out the moon as much. I can see the faint outline of at least a hundred tents. And one light. I make sure to study every inch so that I will have an acceptable amount to report. I turn to make my way back.

Snap.

I freeze. 

I feel a presence behind me. 

Options race through my head: 1.Drop-kick. 

I wish.

2. Run.

Better.

3. Play innocent.

My best bet.

I take off, heading in the direction farthest away from our camp. My pulse screams in my ears as I hear heavy steps chasing me. I veer suddenly and pretend to trip over a branch. I gasp dramatically. A bright light shines in my eyes. I cower and struggle backwards until my back hits a tree. 

Perfect. 

"Are you from our camp?" Male voice. Youngish, probably my age. 

I force my eyes to widen and shake my head.

He reaches out his hand to me. I flinch at the movement and timidly put mine in his. My instinct tells me to run but I won't be able to outrun him and leading him to our camp is out of the question. So I stay and let him help me up. He lowers the flashlight so it's between us. 

Now I'm really glad I didn't try to outrun him because he is tall and very fit. His skin is dark and his hair is darker.

"What's your name?"

I bite the edge up my lip and force my eyes to water. "Ally." My mothers name. 

"Are you alone?"

Showtime. The tears spill over and I nod my head. "Th-they're all gone," My voice is shaking almost uncontrollably. "I stayed in my house alone but p-people came and…" I put my face in my hands. "I've been by a creek a mile from here s-since."

He puts his hand on my shoulder and I flinch, this time not on purpose. At my reaction he pulls his hand back and speaks softly as if talking to a small child. "Come to our camp. I'll introduce you to Hero, he's been leading us so far." 

Hero? 

Ok, time to go.

"I-I can't…" I back up a little. I need an escape route.  

"You won't survive on your own."

An idea pops into my head. "Were you the ones who did this?" 

The question takes him aback, his demeanor changes from gentle to defensive in less than a second. "What do you mean?" He says.

"Did you kill everyone?" I take another step back, waiting for the right moment.

"We…no. We.." He straightens his shoulders and clears his throat. "The world needed to be cleansed." But even as he says it is sounds more like reciting and less like believing. 

Still, my dinner threatens to come back up. "I can't," I say, trying not to lose control.

Go time.

I run as hard as I can. Hoping that I remember the way. Hoping I don't face plant. Hoping I remember where the-

Drop off is.

I run right off the drop off. It takes all of me not to yell a swear word. Gottagetupgottagetup. I pull myself up and limp-run a little further until I reach the boulder. Around the boulder is a larger drop-off that leads to a creek. I crawl down and feel around until I find the empty space where the burrow is. I crawl in and try desperately to steady my breathing.

I can hear him. Running. Stoping. Breathing. Searching. 

His footsteps fall into the distance as he keeps looking.

Finding Narnia, inspiration, and a friendly swordfish.

And now, a few places I have come across in recent travels:



1) THE LOFT- Dexter, MO. I was a town that had a Walmart and not much else. After being there a week and a half I felt very claustrophobic. The roads seemed to lead to nowhere. I didn't feel like I could get out. That is when I found Narnia. There are times in life when Narnia needs to be found. Of course I am not talking about the real Narnia, but the concept. A magical place that draws you in a teaches you things. This one was called The Loft. On the outside it is a brick building with fancy doors. On the inside it is like something out of a novel. They sold lotions and candles and jewelry and weird foods and hats and ties and furniture and plates and Christmas ornaments and weird dolls and quill pens and a large assortment of other strange things. Upstairs there were four separate rooms, each decorated to the max with expensive art and comfy couches. And there was a huge wardrobe(see, I told you it was Narnia). One the roof there was a long couch, a grill that was shaped like a bull and made of copper(it looked like a monster from a Percy Jackson book), there we tables with umbrellas, and there was a seven foot tall giraffe(for no apparent reason). Downstairs there was an outside patio with a fountain and chairs and plants and table and a gate. And downstairs inside there was a grand piano and a little coffee set up. The machine they used was probably a couple a thousand dollars and one of the best parts of the whole thing was that the workers had no idea what they were doing.It all felt very innocent and welcoming. The guy making my Café Au Lait was asking my for directions.When I asked the owner why he had this whole incredible set up he said he just wanted a place where people could just come and drink their coffee and enjoy themselves. And he succeed at just that.

                                        

                               

                               

                                                                                                                                                               






2) THE BLUE DOOR COFFEE BAR, Stuart FL. Named Appropriately. It's hard to miss the yellow building with the bright blue door. This little gem inspired me mostly because of the art. When I walked in I saw it almost instantly. It was a huge painting done with oil paints that took my breathe away. This summer I decided I wanted to learn to work with oil paints because I usually use water and acrylic. So when I saw this painting I was reinspired. I must learn how to this.
  And every time I went back to Blue Door I found another little painting or sculpture hidden somewhere in the tiny shop. There was even a little upside-down bird sculpture under the counter where I sat one day. 
  The coffee was lovely. And the tea. I really appreciate when coffee houses have good tea. They did that too. When I can go into a coffee shop and order tea that I know will be unique it just makes me happy. Oh, also they had Lavender syrup to flavor drinks with...I think I will explain why that is important in another post because it's kind of a long story.

3) STUART COFFEE, also Stuart FL. This little place is filled with art and conducive to community. Also, while in town I got two free drinks by using their punch cards. (: Along the walls and shelves there is an assortment of local art. And on certain days artists come and paint in the window. I love how they support local artists. And their coffee was pretty good. I also like how they had a bookshelf with games and novels. And a comfy couch. That was good too.

  I think it is very important in a coffee house to make sure your iced coffee is just as good or pretty close to your hot coffee. Sometimes people get lazy with the iced coffee and that is just a shame. Also, at Stuart Coffee I got a s'more iced coffee... now that was good. I'm always a huge fan of creative drinks.

  My only complaint would be the workers. From their outfits to their attitudes it just all felt too professional and stiff. The drinks and atmosphere were relaxing and very Florida themed, but I just don't like when coffee is over professionalized. I like when people feel at home making coffee and people feel a sense of home in drinking it. I like when workers talk to me about life and coffee. I guess I feel like coffee is a universal language so when I'm treated like a costumer I feel jipped. I suppose I shouldn't be too upset since I am a customer... But I'm not just that. I'm a person. And so are all the other people who come in.
Coffee of all things reminds us that we are human. And coffee houses should be a place where we can come and feel like humans.
  That's all I have for now. More to come soon. But until then remember that the people you come in contact with are actually people. I think sometimes we all forget that.

Things about writing.

 I'm a writer. I write things. I write blogs and essays and poems and song and ramblings. And books.. I write books too. It's fairly common that when I say that I write(especially if I say I write novels) people get curious and want to read something I have written. This does not bother me at all, I like that people are interested in my work and I feel bad that I don't have anything to give them. You see, I've always felt that no one should read my books until I am finished or close to finished. Otherwise they will see a sloppy version of the story. 

  One of the hardest things for me is when some asks THE QUESTION (cue dramatic music)...................... "So, what's your book about?"

I cringe just typing it. You might wonder why this is such a problem for me. You might roll your eyes and tell me that it's not that big of a deal. 

But it is. Oh, it is.

  Here's the thing: Writers are supposed to be eloquent, right? Sure. Awesome. You give me a piece of paper and pen and tell me to write about my book, no problem. But you ask me to explain it to you in conversation and it goes something like this: "Well, um, basically there's this guy and there's a terrorist and he falls in love with his daughter...I mean... he doesn't fall for his own daughter, he falls for the other guy's daughter... and...  it's complicated because, like, he has to stop these bombs..." 

*insert face to palm*

  I wish I could give you two sentences that would spark your interest, make you want me to keep writing, make you want me to finish, and get published, and put me at the same table as J. K. Rowling and Stephan King. (Seriously, where is that table?...I want to hang out there."

But instead of arousing intrigue and wonder I arouse a half-hearted, "Well, I hope that works out for you.." *person awkwardly changes subject*

  The reason why I am writing this post is because I'm thinking about putting an exert from one of my books up here so instead making a fool of myself I can just send people this way. And also for you people who are reading this so you can have something if you curious. Or bored. 

  So yes, I will look over my stuff and try to find something remotely interesting.  

  In other news I got a film Camera from an Antique store and it is amazing. I will posting pictures soon. 

  And in other news other than the other news: I started an Instagram account for my blog (@coffeecountry) so I can post little things, give updates, and mostly just show a lot of cool pictures of coffee shops and coffee mugs and other such coffee things around America. So you should check that out. 

Lastly, I have three coffee houses to talk about and show pictures of that I am pretty excited about, so tune in next week (probably) for that. 

  Peace out.

  (Did I just say 'Peace out'? Sorry... I'm tired, okay?)

Snobbing

  Here's the thing about coffee: It's okay if it's bad... Seriously it's totally fine. It's actually a really comforting thing to drink bad coffee. It just has to be in its place.

  Throughout my travels I run into a lot of crappy coffee. But often I'm okay with it because it's a form of stability for me. When I walk into a hotel I know exactly what the coffee will taste like because it's hotel coffee and hotel coffee always tastes the same. It's not very strong, it has a different consistency than normal coffee, it's simple. And it also gets cold faster that any other coffee... At least I think it does... Now that I'm saying it out loud it seems like maybe that not a scientifically proven fact and I've just believed something that my sub-conscience has tricked me into thinking is truth.

  But I'm pretty sure it's true.

  Unless it's a specialty restaurant, restaurant coffee all has the same general taste and feel as well. It comes in a  simple ceramic mug and it's made in a typical coffee brewer and it makes me feel like an elderly person. Don't ask why, it just does.

  Keurig coffee always has a weird bite to it. And even though it's technically a mini version of the normal brewing process it still has a fake taste.
And there are plenty of other types of coffee that are generic coffees that I drink  and I say all this to explain something to the people who see me drinking coffees like this and say, "I thought you were a coffee snob?" 

  Oh, don't worry, I am.

  I'm very snobby. 

  I can snob the heck out of any coffee. 

Right now I'm drinking a cup of Dunkin' Donuts. It's not good nessescarily but it's still enjoyable, it's not the best but it's still coffee.

  When I was a kid I would go swimming in water that was cold because even though it would have been better if it was warm I loved swimming and cold swimming was way more fun than not swimming. Same principle. 

  The point of all this is to say: I drink all kinds of coffee because I appreciate coffee even if it isn't the best version of itself.