I don't remember when I decided that it was unexceptable, but at some point I had had enough. I started climbing high trees, going on roofs and riding tall roller coasters. Whenever I felt afraid of a height I would force myself up higher.
I'm not afraid if heights anymore. I don't know when it exactly happened but after facing the fear for years I no longer had it.
Until about two years ago I had never ridden on an elevator by myself. I wasn't afraid of elevators when I was with people but the thought of doing by myself sent waves of claustrophobia through me. I felt insecure about this fear because a sixteen year old girl should be able to get on an elevator alone. Especially one who doesn't freak out about things very often. So I finally did it. I just got on and went down a floor.
It's all about mentally, I think. I can ride elevators by myself now and climb things and get on roller coasters and it's not scary anymore. And my thought now is that if I'm so afraid to share things I have written with people then that is just another irrational fear that is holding me back. It's really nice not to have to wait for someone to go on an elevator with me. Maybe it will be nice to put some of my words out there. Maybe after a while it will even be fun.
So this is an exert from the second chapter of something I've been working on since Febuaryish. It's not much, but it's a start. And if it sucks at least I can say that I conquered a fear. I'd rather be a brave fool than a cowardly one, I suppose.
Chapter 2: Leah
It's pitch black and silent.
I creep through the woods, careful not to make a sound. In the distance I see a light. A lantern. I'm almost to the edge of the woods. It's lighter out here where the trees don't block out the moon as much. I can see the faint outline of at least a hundred tents. And one light. I make sure to study every inch so that I will have an acceptable amount to report. I turn to make my way back.
Snap.
I freeze.
I feel a presence behind me.
Options race through my head: 1.Drop-kick.
I wish.
2. Run.
Better.
3. Play innocent.
My best bet.
I take off, heading in the direction farthest away from our camp. My pulse screams in my ears as I hear heavy steps chasing me. I veer suddenly and pretend to trip over a branch. I gasp dramatically. A bright light shines in my eyes. I cower and struggle backwards until my back hits a tree.
Perfect.
"Are you from our camp?" Male voice. Youngish, probably my age.
I force my eyes to widen and shake my head.
He reaches out his hand to me. I flinch at the movement and timidly put mine in his. My instinct tells me to run but I won't be able to outrun him and leading him to our camp is out of the question. So I stay and let him help me up. He lowers the flashlight so it's between us.
Now I'm really glad I didn't try to outrun him because he is tall and very fit. His skin is dark and his hair is darker.
"What's your name?"
I bite the edge up my lip and force my eyes to water. "Ally." My mothers name.
"Are you alone?"
Showtime. The tears spill over and I nod my head. "Th-they're all gone," My voice is shaking almost uncontrollably. "I stayed in my house alone but p-people came and…" I put my face in my hands. "I've been by a creek a mile from here s-since."
He puts his hand on my shoulder and I flinch, this time not on purpose. At my reaction he pulls his hand back and speaks softly as if talking to a small child. "Come to our camp. I'll introduce you to Hero, he's been leading us so far."
Hero?
Ok, time to go.
"I-I can't…" I back up a little. I need an escape route.
"You won't survive on your own."
An idea pops into my head. "Were you the ones who did this?"
The question takes him aback, his demeanor changes from gentle to defensive in less than a second. "What do you mean?" He says.
"Did you kill everyone?" I take another step back, waiting for the right moment.
"We…no. We.." He straightens his shoulders and clears his throat. "The world needed to be cleansed." But even as he says it is sounds more like reciting and less like believing.
Still, my dinner threatens to come back up. "I can't," I say, trying not to lose control.
Go time.
I run as hard as I can. Hoping that I remember the way. Hoping I don't face plant. Hoping I remember where the-
Drop off is.
I run right off the drop off. It takes all of me not to yell a swear word. Gottagetupgottagetup. I pull myself up and limp-run a little further until I reach the boulder. Around the boulder is a larger drop-off that leads to a creek. I crawl down and feel around until I find the empty space where the burrow is. I crawl in and try desperately to steady my breathing.
I can hear him. Running. Stoping. Breathing. Searching.
His footsteps fall into the distance as he keeps looking.
